my life's irony

Just this afternoon, I was worrying about my scholarship. (What's new? I always have this dilemma every second semester.) Again, I am thinking of withdrawing my scholarship.

This semester, I had consumed all the allowed absences in my duty. Mam Dess said to me this afternoon, the director for student affairs may assess my performance before allowing me to renew my scholarship program for next year due to my tardiness and absences.  I wanted to tell her that I can assure them of good grades and good evaluation in the office, but i stay silent. I did not even feel like crying. I've been in this situation almost every year. Maybe I'm just used to it or let us say, I became tired of it. I wanted to tell them, to tell the world that I've been doing thngs not because I am spending time for leisure. Most of the time, I am stealing my duty hours for my study. I am not sleeping just to study, to write and to do all my requirements in the class. I am like this not because I wanted to (who would want to kill herself just for the sake of getting good grades?) but because this is what my parents and my relatives expect me to be. Partly, I want this but not to the extend that I have to sacrifice everything. After my conversation with Mam Dess, I did not cry but deep inside of me, I wanted to burst in tears. I'm tired of fulfilling everything according to the rules and to the wants of my world. Can't they just understand me?

I hate it when problems like this came during my busiest days! WTF I don't want to think now. Not. (I keep on telling myself that when I am on my way back to the house)

Then when I got home, I opened facebook just to find something that would make me smile again and would bring back my good mood. 

One message. Six Notifications.

I looked first at the news feed. There's nothing that interests me. Then I opened the notification. Okay, It's about school works again. Then I opened the message. The first line reads "Congratulations". I said, scam again. I thought of not reading it because It will be a waste of time but when my eyes looked down, I noticed a note which says it is from Becarios de Santo Tomas. There, I had the interest in reading it. It says: 

Congratulations! You are one of the nominees for the MOST OUTSTANDING SAN LORENZO AWARD (OUTSTANDING THOMASIAN SCHOLAR AWARDS).

In line with this, we are requesting you to submit a narrative that tells substantially about yourself. This will help us to know you better and guide us to discern who should be the most outstanding San Lorenzo scholar. 

Blah.blah.blah.

At first I thought it is a general message for all the scholars, then when it already asked for requirement that I needed to submit, I told myself "ah, this is what I needed tonight, inspiration!"

What a life. Just this afternoon I was worrying about my scholarship then tonight they are telling me I am nominated as an outstanding scholar. Do you see the irony? This only tell me how GOD works for us. God will really not let you down. He may gave you challenges and problems bu t he will always be there to help you and to make you see how beautiful life is. 

I can't help but to scold myself for giving up so easily, for being fragile, for being a pessimist. Life has a lot of irony and I am one of the blessed people who is always saved by this ironies.